Be Yourself

People always say, "Just be yourself." You hear it from parents, friends, practically everyone you meet. If you are like me your yearbook is full of comments like "never change" or "stay yourself." That's all well and good when you are in high school

You know who is good at being themselves? Jerks. They don't care what anyone thinks about them. Not only are they well equipped for dealing with high school but the real world as well.

Think about it. Who gets all the girls? Jerks. Usually rich jerks but that is another story.

Back in the day I would play the "Is She Really Going Out With Him" game. It's easy to play and the rules are simple: Just go to any public place, preferably one that serves alcohol, and just look for couples. If you see some loud, fat, bald guy in a Hawaiian shirt with a girl that is young enough to be his daughter but obviously isn't and she's hot enough to be a Victoria's Secret model you start drinking. And you don't stop. For four years. I was pretty much hammered through the first George W Bush administration.

Enough about them what about me? Where has being a nice guy gotten me? Nowhere. You try to be nice and play by the rules but I couldn't get past "Go."

The truth is that I'm not really a nice guy. Well, I am, but I'm not. I don't put on an act. I really am a kind person but sometimes my mind goes to places that it shouldn't.

You know those guys whom every time they speak it's all sexual innuendo and double entendres? Well, I think them but i don't say them. I'm way too wimpy.

I'm not proud that I think these things. When I see a woman my first thoughts shouldn't turn toward sex.
It doesn't always happen, just when I don't want it to. Then I spend all my time trying to be "Mr. Nice Guy" while all the while my brain is going insane and certain other parts of me are hoping that this leads to something a little more . . . horizontal.

The sad thing is I really wanted to be one of those guys. I tried to be one a few times. Not surprisingly it didn't work. I wasn't being myself.