People always say, "Just be yourself." You hear it from parents, friends, practically everyone you meet. If you are like me your yearbook is full of comments like "never change" or "stay yourself." That's all well and good when you are in high school
You know who is good at being themselves? Jerks. They don't care what anyone thinks about them. Not only are they well equipped for dealing with high school but the real world as well.
Think about it. Who gets all the girls? Jerks. Usually rich jerks but that is another story.
Back in the day I would play the "Is She Really Going Out With Him" game. It's easy to play and the rules are simple: Just go to any public place, preferably one that serves alcohol, and just look for couples. If you see some loud, fat, bald guy in a Hawaiian shirt with a girl that is young enough to be his daughter but obviously isn't and she's hot enough to be a Victoria's Secret model you start drinking. And you don't stop. For four years. I was pretty much hammered through the first George W Bush administration.
Enough about them what about me? Where has being a nice guy gotten me? Nowhere. You try to be nice and play by the rules but I couldn't get past "Go."
The truth is that I'm not really a nice guy. Well, I am, but I'm not. I don't put on an act. I really am a kind person but sometimes my mind goes to places that it shouldn't.
You know those guys whom every time they speak it's all sexual innuendo and double entendres? Well, I think them but i don't say them. I'm way too wimpy.
I'm not proud that I think these things. When I see a woman my first thoughts shouldn't turn toward sex.
It doesn't always happen, just when I don't want it to. Then I spend all my time trying to be "Mr. Nice Guy" while all the while my brain is going insane and certain other parts of me are hoping that this leads to something a little more . . . horizontal.
The sad thing is I really wanted to be one of those guys. I tried to be one a few times. Not surprisingly it didn't work. I wasn't being myself.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
There's Nothing Worse Than A Fat Narcissist
That's a quote from Soldier in the Rain starring Steve McQueen and Jackie Gleason. No points for guessing which one delivered the line. I only saw it once a long time ago on TCM. It's kind of odd but worth seeing if you get the chance. Another memorable quote was about an island populated by women whose breasts point up. Who wouldn't enjoy that?
I do know, in a way, what he was talking about. The narcissism bit, not the island. I used to be a fat narcissist. Now I'm a lot less of both.
It's kind of weird that narcissism and self-hatred go hand in hand. I've never really thought about it. I was too busy contemplating my navel.
It got so bad that the kind of woman I was attracted to was basically me in drag. Except for the fat part. I wasn't that narcissistic. I guess the fact that no one could love me so I wanted to love someone that sort of looked like me so in turn I could love myself. Yeah. it's kind of convoluted but I'm glad that I'm over myself.
I do know, in a way, what he was talking about. The narcissism bit, not the island. I used to be a fat narcissist. Now I'm a lot less of both.
It's kind of weird that narcissism and self-hatred go hand in hand. I've never really thought about it. I was too busy contemplating my navel.
It got so bad that the kind of woman I was attracted to was basically me in drag. Except for the fat part. I wasn't that narcissistic. I guess the fact that no one could love me so I wanted to love someone that sort of looked like me so in turn I could love myself. Yeah. it's kind of convoluted but I'm glad that I'm over myself.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Mixed Emotions
Remember about twenty years or so ago when hiking boots were all the rage? If not ask your parents. Unless you are from Arkansas then ask your grandparents.
Anyway, I was wearing mine one day when I went to the bank. Standing there at the counter where they keep the deposit slips and stuff was a woman. She was very tall, maybe even taller than me, but I'm only 5'10".
She too was wearing hiking boots. I think hers were proper hiking boots. Mine were Nike. I'm just funny that way.
As I walked over to the counter I noticed that she was checking me out. No, I didn't believe it either. The second time she did it she smiled at me.
She then proceeds to the teller. I quickly finish and go to another one. As I walked over I was checking her out and she caught me and she smiled again.
As she was leaving she walked over and said something like, "See ya later." Then I said something intelligent like, "Yeah."
Then she walked out the door opposite to the one that I came in. As I stood there wishing that what she said was true I saw her get into her car. I can't remember what kind it was, maybe a Subaru.
That's when I saw someone in the shotgun seat. A man. The woman gives him the same smile that she gave me. My heart sank. I don't know why. We only "shared a moment."
As she backed out of the parking space I noticed something strapped to the passenger side door. It was a wheelchair.
Anyway, I was wearing mine one day when I went to the bank. Standing there at the counter where they keep the deposit slips and stuff was a woman. She was very tall, maybe even taller than me, but I'm only 5'10".
She too was wearing hiking boots. I think hers were proper hiking boots. Mine were Nike. I'm just funny that way.
As I walked over to the counter I noticed that she was checking me out. No, I didn't believe it either. The second time she did it she smiled at me.
She then proceeds to the teller. I quickly finish and go to another one. As I walked over I was checking her out and she caught me and she smiled again.
As she was leaving she walked over and said something like, "See ya later." Then I said something intelligent like, "Yeah."
Then she walked out the door opposite to the one that I came in. As I stood there wishing that what she said was true I saw her get into her car. I can't remember what kind it was, maybe a Subaru.
That's when I saw someone in the shotgun seat. A man. The woman gives him the same smile that she gave me. My heart sank. I don't know why. We only "shared a moment."
As she backed out of the parking space I noticed something strapped to the passenger side door. It was a wheelchair.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Ponytails
Years ago one of my friends was into women with ponytails. More specifically; women with ponytails wearing baseball caps. I have to admit that it's a cute look. On the right woman. Guys not so much. Sorry to break it to you dude.
The thing is that sometimes you meet a woman with a ponytail and then see her later with her hair down and you are shocked. Shocked! Maybe it's a case of they don't know what to do with their hair when it's down. Maybe they don't do anything at all. And then sometimes it's by choice. You just want to say to them, "You actually paid someone to make your hair look like that?!" Of course it's unwise to actually say it.
Then again sometimes you meet someone with a cute, short haircut. At some point she says, "I'm letting my hair grow out." What you don't know is that the only reason that she is letting her hair grow so that she can have it in a ponytail all the time. 24/7. Constantly. You'll never see it down again. Ever. So anyway, you say, "Cool."
That's the thing about guys; if they date a woman with short hair they start to wonder what she would look like with longer hair or vice versa. Guys are just funny that way. It's nothing to worry about. Usually. When it starts getting into Vertigo territory--run.
The thing is that sometimes you meet a woman with a ponytail and then see her later with her hair down and you are shocked. Shocked! Maybe it's a case of they don't know what to do with their hair when it's down. Maybe they don't do anything at all. And then sometimes it's by choice. You just want to say to them, "You actually paid someone to make your hair look like that?!" Of course it's unwise to actually say it.
Then again sometimes you meet someone with a cute, short haircut. At some point she says, "I'm letting my hair grow out." What you don't know is that the only reason that she is letting her hair grow so that she can have it in a ponytail all the time. 24/7. Constantly. You'll never see it down again. Ever. So anyway, you say, "Cool."
That's the thing about guys; if they date a woman with short hair they start to wonder what she would look like with longer hair or vice versa. Guys are just funny that way. It's nothing to worry about. Usually. When it starts getting into Vertigo territory--run.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Politics and The Dark Knight Rises
WARNING! Spoilers ahead. Turn back now lest ye be spoiled.
It seems that The Dark Knight Rises has struck a chord with political pundits. The conservatives see it as a Communist manifesto. They think it's an anti-achievement, eat the rich propaganda piece. In their opinion the film states that Bruce Wayne never found true happiness until he went broke. Never mind the fact that he actually found a woman that he could relate to. They also see it as pro Occupy Wall Street.
The liberals say it's anti Occupy Wall Street. They think the film is a tribute to Ayn Rand and that Wayne's John Galt-like exile was an attempt to state that nothing good ever happens unless it is initiated by the rich. The only thing that the two sides can agree on is that the film is about class warfare but they cannot agree on which side the film actually takes.
I think both sides are projecting way too much onto the movie, no pun intended. It was made by Christopher Nolan, not Leni Reifenstahl. If Nolan has any sort of political agenda I am not aware of it. Then again I don't spend all day trying to ferret out every one's political beliefs. I leave that to the people on talk radio. I couldn't care less what he believes in as long as he keeps making great art. Yeah, I know I just set myself up with that one.
The fact of the matter is that The Dark Knight Rises cost many millions of dollars to make and it wouldn't do to alienate half of the audience. That would financially irresponsible. I think that a lot of people go around looking for bias in everything. They will do or say anything to prove their point. I think this is called, "paranoia."
I know that I am not the smartest person in the world but I did not see any bias either way. I thought it was one of the most brutally honest films I have seen in years. Maybe it was a bit too honest.
It showed the breakdown of society. That "come the revolution" nothing will change, only the names. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. We are a a society of laws and rules be they of the government or our own personal code of conduct. When they break down we all end up in Hell.
The film shows that no matter if we see ourselves as individuals or as part of a collective we are all in this together whether we like it or not. We can be as selfish as we want but we all have to live together. We don't have to like each other but we cannot devolve into, "You are different, therefore I must destroy you."
The Dark Knight Trilogy forces us to ask the tough questions: Do we see Batman as a hero or as a vigilante? Do we see the villains as a product of society or as a direct result of Batman? Is Bruce Wayne a philanthropist or a member of the idle rich? If the government is corrupt then who can we turn to? If society breaks down where do I fit in? Is free energy really free?
The most brilliant thing about these films they hold a mirror up to society and more importantly to us as viewers. It exposes us for what we really are--human.
It seems that The Dark Knight Rises has struck a chord with political pundits. The conservatives see it as a Communist manifesto. They think it's an anti-achievement, eat the rich propaganda piece. In their opinion the film states that Bruce Wayne never found true happiness until he went broke. Never mind the fact that he actually found a woman that he could relate to. They also see it as pro Occupy Wall Street.
The liberals say it's anti Occupy Wall Street. They think the film is a tribute to Ayn Rand and that Wayne's John Galt-like exile was an attempt to state that nothing good ever happens unless it is initiated by the rich. The only thing that the two sides can agree on is that the film is about class warfare but they cannot agree on which side the film actually takes.
I think both sides are projecting way too much onto the movie, no pun intended. It was made by Christopher Nolan, not Leni Reifenstahl. If Nolan has any sort of political agenda I am not aware of it. Then again I don't spend all day trying to ferret out every one's political beliefs. I leave that to the people on talk radio. I couldn't care less what he believes in as long as he keeps making great art. Yeah, I know I just set myself up with that one.
The fact of the matter is that The Dark Knight Rises cost many millions of dollars to make and it wouldn't do to alienate half of the audience. That would financially irresponsible. I think that a lot of people go around looking for bias in everything. They will do or say anything to prove their point. I think this is called, "paranoia."
I know that I am not the smartest person in the world but I did not see any bias either way. I thought it was one of the most brutally honest films I have seen in years. Maybe it was a bit too honest.
It showed the breakdown of society. That "come the revolution" nothing will change, only the names. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. We are a a society of laws and rules be they of the government or our own personal code of conduct. When they break down we all end up in Hell.
The film shows that no matter if we see ourselves as individuals or as part of a collective we are all in this together whether we like it or not. We can be as selfish as we want but we all have to live together. We don't have to like each other but we cannot devolve into, "You are different, therefore I must destroy you."
The Dark Knight Trilogy forces us to ask the tough questions: Do we see Batman as a hero or as a vigilante? Do we see the villains as a product of society or as a direct result of Batman? Is Bruce Wayne a philanthropist or a member of the idle rich? If the government is corrupt then who can we turn to? If society breaks down where do I fit in? Is free energy really free?
The most brilliant thing about these films they hold a mirror up to society and more importantly to us as viewers. It exposes us for what we really are--human.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Asylum of the Daleks
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.
I guess that I wasn't the only one that was surprised by the appearance of Jenna-Louise Coleman in this episode. I'm glad that at least one show has the ability to surprise. However I do not spend a lot of time on spoiler sites.
I also did not know that people could be turned into Daleks. I thought that was more of a Cyberman thing. I guess that "Asylum of the Cybermen" wouldn't have been quite so cool. Yes, I do know what the Daleks did in "Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks" but I have been trying to forget ever since.
British blogger www.timegirlkatie.com pointed out that there were a number of "Americanisms" in the episode. Being American I didn't really notice. I did notice in "The Impossible Astronaut" that Rory said "gasoline" instead of "petrol" but I thought that there were two versions; one for the UK and one for North America. As usual I was wrong.
One thing that we are not sure of at the moment is whether or not Oswin is the character that Jenna-Louise Coleman will be playing when we see her next. She could be playing an ancestor or who knows? I have no idea what goes on in Steven Moffat's head.
If it is Oswin then this could be going the way of River Song in that we know the end of her story before we know the beginning. If she is an ancestor then the Doctor must keep her safe so that at some point Oswin will be born. It's far too timey wimey.
I guess that I wasn't the only one that was surprised by the appearance of Jenna-Louise Coleman in this episode. I'm glad that at least one show has the ability to surprise. However I do not spend a lot of time on spoiler sites.
I also did not know that people could be turned into Daleks. I thought that was more of a Cyberman thing. I guess that "Asylum of the Cybermen" wouldn't have been quite so cool. Yes, I do know what the Daleks did in "Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks" but I have been trying to forget ever since.
British blogger www.timegirlkatie.com pointed out that there were a number of "Americanisms" in the episode. Being American I didn't really notice. I did notice in "The Impossible Astronaut" that Rory said "gasoline" instead of "petrol" but I thought that there were two versions; one for the UK and one for North America. As usual I was wrong.
One thing that we are not sure of at the moment is whether or not Oswin is the character that Jenna-Louise Coleman will be playing when we see her next. She could be playing an ancestor or who knows? I have no idea what goes on in Steven Moffat's head.
If it is Oswin then this could be going the way of River Song in that we know the end of her story before we know the beginning. If she is an ancestor then the Doctor must keep her safe so that at some point Oswin will be born. It's far too timey wimey.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Body Issues
A long time ago in a pub that no longer exists I met a young woman that I shall refer to as "Lisa." she would show up on Tuesday nights for trivia along with two of her friends who happened to be married to each other. We didn't know that at first. We thought that they were the couple that Joe Jackson was singing about.
Upon getting to know them I soon found out that the dude was smart. Science smart. Not Sheldon Cooper smart but definitely Leonard Hofstadter smart. However, he did think that I was a physicist. Anyway, I digress.
Usually at halftime and/or afterwards I would talk to Lisa. Sometimes her friends would join us. We had some interesting conversations. She really got me to open up. I would tell her stuff that only those closest to me knew. Even some stuff they didn't
She was very open with me as well. We never got really close or anything. It was just something to do. A bit of a weekly distraction. Nothing ever happened between us nor did I want it to.
I have no idea how old she was and I know better than to ask. I'm fairly safe in guessing that she was at least twenty-one unless she had a fake ID. I wasn't old enough to be her father. Uncle, maybe. Hopefully not a creepy one.
The one recurring theme in our conversations was about her desire for breast enlargement surgery. I'm not judgemental about such things. It's a personal choice. Having said that, breast size does not matter to me. No, seriously.
On the other hand I can certainly understand women who judge men about their size and I'm not just talking about their bank account. I'm a bit cynical that way. Others would say that I'm a realist.
Yes, I have my own insecurities. I'm only human. Flesh and blood. A man. Sometimes they hold me back. Other times I really don't care.
So anyway, if Lisa's female friend was around when the subject came up she would usually go quiet and sometimes even look away. I guess that she had heard it all a million times before.
The first time Lisa mentioned this I tried to reassure her by saying, "That's okay, I have small hands. They'll seem big to me." Needless to say that didn't work. At least I didn't offend her. If I did she didn't say anything about it.
The next time it came up I became very serious. She kept saying that no guy wants to date her and so on and so forth. I told her that there were a lot of guys that would be very happy to date her just the way she is. Of course she didn't believe me.
This was probably the first time in my life that I ever felt anything close to being paternal. I just wanted to hold her and tell her that everything will be okay. I also knew that it wouldn't help.
At this point I should mention that she was very pretty. I was attracted to her the first time I saw her. Age difference not withstanding. Just as a point of reference she looked a bit like Selma Blair.
Back in the day a friend told me that he never noticed exactly how large his girlfriend's breasts were until he actually got to see them. I thought that it was the biggest bunch of b.s. I had ever heard. That was until the exact same thing happened to me a few years later.
Every week I would so through this whole song and dance routine just to keep Lisa from bringing the subject up. Every now and then it worked. Other nights I failed and I just wanted to bash my head against a wall. And some other nights I would talk to this other girl, "Polyester," who usually by this point had a few too many and would flash me in an attempt to get me to buy her a shot.
When Lisa talked about wanting surgery it wasn't in a sad or pitiful way. It was a bit mournful and matter of fact. If you can combine the two that is. It's the only way that I can think of to describe it.
I tried to the best of my abilities to to explain to her that she wasn't defined by her breasts. I would tell her that she was smart and pretty. I would also tell her that her womanhood was located somewhere south of Hooterville, but I would do it in a far less vulgar and demeaning way.
After a few months the pub closed. It's not the first or last time that has happened to me and my friends. I never got to see her again. I have no idea what happened to her. I just hope that she is happy.
Upon getting to know them I soon found out that the dude was smart. Science smart. Not Sheldon Cooper smart but definitely Leonard Hofstadter smart. However, he did think that I was a physicist. Anyway, I digress.
Usually at halftime and/or afterwards I would talk to Lisa. Sometimes her friends would join us. We had some interesting conversations. She really got me to open up. I would tell her stuff that only those closest to me knew. Even some stuff they didn't
She was very open with me as well. We never got really close or anything. It was just something to do. A bit of a weekly distraction. Nothing ever happened between us nor did I want it to.
I have no idea how old she was and I know better than to ask. I'm fairly safe in guessing that she was at least twenty-one unless she had a fake ID. I wasn't old enough to be her father. Uncle, maybe. Hopefully not a creepy one.
The one recurring theme in our conversations was about her desire for breast enlargement surgery. I'm not judgemental about such things. It's a personal choice. Having said that, breast size does not matter to me. No, seriously.
On the other hand I can certainly understand women who judge men about their size and I'm not just talking about their bank account. I'm a bit cynical that way. Others would say that I'm a realist.
Yes, I have my own insecurities. I'm only human. Flesh and blood. A man. Sometimes they hold me back. Other times I really don't care.
So anyway, if Lisa's female friend was around when the subject came up she would usually go quiet and sometimes even look away. I guess that she had heard it all a million times before.
The first time Lisa mentioned this I tried to reassure her by saying, "That's okay, I have small hands. They'll seem big to me." Needless to say that didn't work. At least I didn't offend her. If I did she didn't say anything about it.
The next time it came up I became very serious. She kept saying that no guy wants to date her and so on and so forth. I told her that there were a lot of guys that would be very happy to date her just the way she is. Of course she didn't believe me.
This was probably the first time in my life that I ever felt anything close to being paternal. I just wanted to hold her and tell her that everything will be okay. I also knew that it wouldn't help.
At this point I should mention that she was very pretty. I was attracted to her the first time I saw her. Age difference not withstanding. Just as a point of reference she looked a bit like Selma Blair.
Back in the day a friend told me that he never noticed exactly how large his girlfriend's breasts were until he actually got to see them. I thought that it was the biggest bunch of b.s. I had ever heard. That was until the exact same thing happened to me a few years later.
Every week I would so through this whole song and dance routine just to keep Lisa from bringing the subject up. Every now and then it worked. Other nights I failed and I just wanted to bash my head against a wall. And some other nights I would talk to this other girl, "Polyester," who usually by this point had a few too many and would flash me in an attempt to get me to buy her a shot.
When Lisa talked about wanting surgery it wasn't in a sad or pitiful way. It was a bit mournful and matter of fact. If you can combine the two that is. It's the only way that I can think of to describe it.
I tried to the best of my abilities to to explain to her that she wasn't defined by her breasts. I would tell her that she was smart and pretty. I would also tell her that her womanhood was located somewhere south of Hooterville, but I would do it in a far less vulgar and demeaning way.
After a few months the pub closed. It's not the first or last time that has happened to me and my friends. I never got to see her again. I have no idea what happened to her. I just hope that she is happy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)