Actually, some of the people in accounting were okay. There was one woman who always picked me to go with her on spot checks. Each day they would choose three registers at random and clear them out to see if everything adds up. I liked doing that because I really didn't have to do anything. And it got me out of the dungeon so to speak.
The accountant would have to be accompanied by someone from the stockroom--it was company policy. However, when they went to remove the money from the bubble gum machines they needed a member of management. No wonder they were in so much financial trouble a few years back.
There was one woman that worked there I kind of liked. Let's call her "Christina" if for no other reason than that was not her name. Of course she had no idea that I even existed. That's basically the story of my life.
However, when I stared thinking about her the other day I realized that she may have made an impression on me. In a way. It's not that I have a "type" it's just that I am usually attracted to women that look like her. The thing is that I had totally forgotten about "Christina" until I came up with the idea for this topic. Okay, that was lame.
There was another woman who's name I cannot remember so I don't really want to give her a pseudonym because I might subconsciously stumble upon it. So let's call her "Reginald." "Reginald" is a perfect case study because for the most part no matter where you work someone is having an affair. It may be with a coworker but more than often it's a person of authority. This lucky/unlucky fellow was the latter. I heard much later that his wife left him.
Take this as a life lesson kids; be careful who you trust at work because they might be having an affair with the boss while they are screwing you over. That never happened to me. Not at that job anyway.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Mad Men "The Other Woman"
Or "SCDP: the P stands for Pimp."
Herb? Seriously?! He was such a cliche and Mad Men usually avoids them.
Pete wants an apartment. I hope it's not in Howard's building, that would be awkward. I guess he wants everything that Howard has. We've all known people like that.
Some people say that Pete and Trudy deserve each other. No one deserves either of them.
"I was going to watch Carson and cry myself to sleep." That was me in high school but instead of Johnny Carson it was Alan Thicke.
"You should be thanking me." That should be on Pete's family crest. Or his tombstone. Your choice.
I guess that Don wants Megan to be successful but only on his terms. That's not good.
I cannot believe that Peggy left. She should get five percent for having sex with Pete. "You really have no idea when things are good, do you?"
Herb? Seriously?! He was such a cliche and Mad Men usually avoids them.
Pete wants an apartment. I hope it's not in Howard's building, that would be awkward. I guess he wants everything that Howard has. We've all known people like that.
Some people say that Pete and Trudy deserve each other. No one deserves either of them.
"I was going to watch Carson and cry myself to sleep." That was me in high school but instead of Johnny Carson it was Alan Thicke.
"You should be thanking me." That should be on Pete's family crest. Or his tombstone. Your choice.
I guess that Don wants Megan to be successful but only on his terms. That's not good.
I cannot believe that Peggy left. She should get five percent for having sex with Pete. "You really have no idea when things are good, do you?"
Friday, May 25, 2012
Former Jobs
Right after high school I got a job at a discount store. I won't say which one, but it wasn't Target. I like Target. So that narrows it down a bit.
I wanted to work in the stockroom so that I didn't have to deal with people. It's not that I don't like people, I just don't like having to deal with them.
One of my duties was to open boxes as they were being unloaded. On Thursdays we would have at least one trailer. This seems like a fairly easy task, and for most people it was. This is because they had standard box cutters. I wasn't allowed to have one for some reason. I thought it was a newbie hazing ritual at first but I really think that someone didn't like me. They didn't but that is another story.
I was issued a "safety cutter." It wasn't for my safety as much as it was for the boxes. That stupid device wouldn't cut hot butter.
Amongst my daily duties was delivering the mail. It was simple and for the most part it was very straightforward. The exception being the accounting department.
Accounting was this glass encased room that was a bit like an aquarium but without the water. Then again it was also like a hamster cage without the wheel. However, I do think they had wood chips on the floor but I don't know for certain because I was never allowed in.
The first day I tried to get in but the door was locked. I did what any normal person would do and knock. I was totally ignored. So I took one step to the left and held up the mail for all to see. They all took turns looking at each other as if to say, "What do we do?" This went on for a while.
I was getting fairly exasperated so I said, "Do you want me to leave it outside the door?" They did the confused look thing again. Finally a voice from the back said, "You can't do that!" "Well then, what do want me to do? I'm not going to stand out here all day," I replied
Finally someone opened the door and took the mail. It was like that pretty much every day that I worked there. Someone later told me that they were extra skittish because a band of gypsies had stolen the safe. I was like, "They let a band of gypsies in to steal a safe but they won't let me deliver the mail?! That explains a lot."
I wanted to work in the stockroom so that I didn't have to deal with people. It's not that I don't like people, I just don't like having to deal with them.
One of my duties was to open boxes as they were being unloaded. On Thursdays we would have at least one trailer. This seems like a fairly easy task, and for most people it was. This is because they had standard box cutters. I wasn't allowed to have one for some reason. I thought it was a newbie hazing ritual at first but I really think that someone didn't like me. They didn't but that is another story.
I was issued a "safety cutter." It wasn't for my safety as much as it was for the boxes. That stupid device wouldn't cut hot butter.
Amongst my daily duties was delivering the mail. It was simple and for the most part it was very straightforward. The exception being the accounting department.
Accounting was this glass encased room that was a bit like an aquarium but without the water. Then again it was also like a hamster cage without the wheel. However, I do think they had wood chips on the floor but I don't know for certain because I was never allowed in.
The first day I tried to get in but the door was locked. I did what any normal person would do and knock. I was totally ignored. So I took one step to the left and held up the mail for all to see. They all took turns looking at each other as if to say, "What do we do?" This went on for a while.
I was getting fairly exasperated so I said, "Do you want me to leave it outside the door?" They did the confused look thing again. Finally a voice from the back said, "You can't do that!" "Well then, what do want me to do? I'm not going to stand out here all day," I replied
Finally someone opened the door and took the mail. It was like that pretty much every day that I worked there. Someone later told me that they were extra skittish because a band of gypsies had stolen the safe. I was like, "They let a band of gypsies in to steal a safe but they won't let me deliver the mail?! That explains a lot."
Monday, May 21, 2012
Mad Men "Christmas Waltz"
Or "Lane Pryce: Master Forger" A Quinn Martin Production.
Lane is in a spot of bother. He owes $8,000 to Inland Revenue and had to stroke a check to get out of debt. Too bad he had to forge Don's name. I thought it rather odd that everyone wanted to wait to hand out the bonuses. Who doesn't want money? As it turns out it was a good idea since Mohawk went on strike. Now Lane is really screwed. I guess next week he'll confess to Joan.
That was nice of Don to get Joan out the office after she had been served divorce papers. I really liked seeing the two of them together but not as a couple. They never would've worked out anyway. They would be far too combustible. It would be great while it lasted. We've all been there.
The cat is back. Sort of. It seems Jaguar is back in play. Poor Edwin. Don looked a bit like 007 behind the wheel of the E type. "They're lemons. They never start." That's so Bert.
Pete's pissed off and can't get no satisfaction. Nothing new there.
Don was a bit too harsh to Megan. "Nobody's made a stronger statement against advertising than you." Ouch. Then when Don came home drunk I had flashbacks to The Odd Couple, American Beauty, 1941, and my childhood, except that my mother never threw food against the wall. Sometimes I wish she had. But only if it was green beans.
So Paul Kinsey has hooked up with the Hare Krishnas. I didn't see that one coming. I really should have, all the signs were there. Then he wrote a spec script for Star Trek. I swear that "The Negron Complex" was an actual episode. I shouldn't say that, I actually like Star Trek. I hope I didn't upset all the Star Wars fans out there. How about this? "The Negron Complex" was the worst idea since Greedo shot first. Okay, I guess technically it's before but you get the point.
When Harry met Lakshmi; admit it, you've been waiting on that one. "I did this for the movement." No wonder she wanted it from behind. I didn't just go there did I? Now you know why I don't tweet during the episode.
Lane is in a spot of bother. He owes $8,000 to Inland Revenue and had to stroke a check to get out of debt. Too bad he had to forge Don's name. I thought it rather odd that everyone wanted to wait to hand out the bonuses. Who doesn't want money? As it turns out it was a good idea since Mohawk went on strike. Now Lane is really screwed. I guess next week he'll confess to Joan.
That was nice of Don to get Joan out the office after she had been served divorce papers. I really liked seeing the two of them together but not as a couple. They never would've worked out anyway. They would be far too combustible. It would be great while it lasted. We've all been there.
The cat is back. Sort of. It seems Jaguar is back in play. Poor Edwin. Don looked a bit like 007 behind the wheel of the E type. "They're lemons. They never start." That's so Bert.
Pete's pissed off and can't get no satisfaction. Nothing new there.
Don was a bit too harsh to Megan. "Nobody's made a stronger statement against advertising than you." Ouch. Then when Don came home drunk I had flashbacks to The Odd Couple, American Beauty, 1941, and my childhood, except that my mother never threw food against the wall. Sometimes I wish she had. But only if it was green beans.
So Paul Kinsey has hooked up with the Hare Krishnas. I didn't see that one coming. I really should have, all the signs were there. Then he wrote a spec script for Star Trek. I swear that "The Negron Complex" was an actual episode. I shouldn't say that, I actually like Star Trek. I hope I didn't upset all the Star Wars fans out there. How about this? "The Negron Complex" was the worst idea since Greedo shot first. Okay, I guess technically it's before but you get the point.
When Harry met Lakshmi; admit it, you've been waiting on that one. "I did this for the movement." No wonder she wanted it from behind. I didn't just go there did I? Now you know why I don't tweet during the episode.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Random Thoughts About Porn
This is an extended dance remix of an unreleased track from 2005
The other night on Veronica Mars She was snooping around the school bully's house because he was the one thought to be sending bomb threats to Neptune High. An agent of the ATF had told Veronica that the bully, Norris, had a crush on her. Anyway, she finds a copy of Tight Petite Blondes or something like that and says, "I am so his type."
I said all that to say this; Do we buy porn that represents the type of women we like or is the type of women we like influenced by porn? I would say that I'm the former--it's more efficient that way. How many women out there look like the ones in Playboy? If that's your type you could drive yourself crazy trying to find someone that looks like that. I don't have anything against Playboy. It's like Banky said in Chasing Amy, "Sometimes I like 'em arty and air brushed."
Growing up in the 70s, if you were lucky, someones dad had a stash of Playboy in the attic. If you wanted the "good stuff" you had to visit an uncle. Uncles are good like that. So are brothers-in-law.
They almost always have the more explicit, if not hardcore, magazines. The girls weren't as pretty as the one in Playboy but that wasn't the point. The point was that you learned a whole lot more than you ever would in Sex Ed. The downside is that you knew even less about women. The only thing less likely than dating a Playboy model in real life was finding a woman who would do the stuff you saw in the hardcore magazines.
To make matters worse, the 1980s saw the rise of the VCR. It meant that you didn't have to go to some sleazy theater to watch an X rated film. You could do it in the privacy of your own home.
You can't be a child of the 70s and not know about Deep Throat. When you learn about Watergate in high school look carefully at the teacher when he or she says, "Deep Throat." You can tell if they have seen the movie or not.
That's another thing that messes us up. We hear about Deep Throat, Behind the Green Door, Debbie Does Dallas, The Devil in Miss Jones, and other X rated classics and the way they are described one would think that they are better than Star Wars.
Before you become an adult porn is like alcohol--forbidden yet desirable. Also, you have to take what you can get. When you are old enough you can buy what you want. By then you should've developed your palate. However, you also develop a tolerance.
The Internet gives you far more choices than the local convenience store. The net may be the best thing to have happened to the porn industry but it isn't always a good thing for humans.
You can drive yourself crazy on the Internet. You're always looking for more, more, more. Bigger breasts, bigger butts, bigger women, bigger penises, women with penises, bigger women with bigger penises. Whatever you desire you can find it. It's just that you always feel like the next website has something a bit better. It's gotten to the point where we make compromises on who we date and/or marry but we won't compromise on our porn.
The other night on Veronica Mars She was snooping around the school bully's house because he was the one thought to be sending bomb threats to Neptune High. An agent of the ATF had told Veronica that the bully, Norris, had a crush on her. Anyway, she finds a copy of Tight Petite Blondes or something like that and says, "I am so his type."
I said all that to say this; Do we buy porn that represents the type of women we like or is the type of women we like influenced by porn? I would say that I'm the former--it's more efficient that way. How many women out there look like the ones in Playboy? If that's your type you could drive yourself crazy trying to find someone that looks like that. I don't have anything against Playboy. It's like Banky said in Chasing Amy, "Sometimes I like 'em arty and air brushed."
Growing up in the 70s, if you were lucky, someones dad had a stash of Playboy in the attic. If you wanted the "good stuff" you had to visit an uncle. Uncles are good like that. So are brothers-in-law.
They almost always have the more explicit, if not hardcore, magazines. The girls weren't as pretty as the one in Playboy but that wasn't the point. The point was that you learned a whole lot more than you ever would in Sex Ed. The downside is that you knew even less about women. The only thing less likely than dating a Playboy model in real life was finding a woman who would do the stuff you saw in the hardcore magazines.
To make matters worse, the 1980s saw the rise of the VCR. It meant that you didn't have to go to some sleazy theater to watch an X rated film. You could do it in the privacy of your own home.
You can't be a child of the 70s and not know about Deep Throat. When you learn about Watergate in high school look carefully at the teacher when he or she says, "Deep Throat." You can tell if they have seen the movie or not.
That's another thing that messes us up. We hear about Deep Throat, Behind the Green Door, Debbie Does Dallas, The Devil in Miss Jones, and other X rated classics and the way they are described one would think that they are better than Star Wars.
Before you become an adult porn is like alcohol--forbidden yet desirable. Also, you have to take what you can get. When you are old enough you can buy what you want. By then you should've developed your palate. However, you also develop a tolerance.
The Internet gives you far more choices than the local convenience store. The net may be the best thing to have happened to the porn industry but it isn't always a good thing for humans.
You can drive yourself crazy on the Internet. You're always looking for more, more, more. Bigger breasts, bigger butts, bigger women, bigger penises, women with penises, bigger women with bigger penises. Whatever you desire you can find it. It's just that you always feel like the next website has something a bit better. It's gotten to the point where we make compromises on who we date and/or marry but we won't compromise on our porn.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Mad Men "Dark Shadows"
Grapefruit and burnt toast--the breakfast of champions. Maybe Betty should try the Electrocizer or the Rejuvenator or whatever the hell that thing was called.
Peggy is buried in Heinz. Did anyone else think about Ann-Margret?
At least Sally's family tree has forks. Maybe too many forks. Mine has sporks. Spork--The other plastic utensil. See, I'm at least as good as Ginsberg.
Sally was more than a bit mean. Then again Betty did set her up. Hopefully she understood that part when Don and Megan were arguing. I've always wondered who is the bigger child, Sally or Betty? Betty had a massive backfire. It really pissed her off to learn that Megan knew all about Anna.
Betty catches a glimpse of Megan and hits the Reddi-Wip. She wasn't doing it right.
Don's trying to be creative again. At least it worked out for him. I felt a bit bad for Ginsberg but Don was right about having two ideas. It is good to have a backup though. I guess that Roger isn't the only one trying to prove that he's still got it.
"I can't eat fish five times a week." Not. Going. There. I thought what Betty said about being there for each other was kind of sweet. Not as sweet as Don and Megan's note to each other, but sweet none the less. In fact it was so nice that Betty got to have a piece of meat. She was a very good girl and got a reward. "If you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?"
Sally needs colored pencils and Bobby needs a Trapper Keeper but they won't be around for about another twelve years. Mine was green and had a snap.
Betty shops at A&P--home of the world's smallest turkey.
Someone should've warned Ginsberg not to go after Don. How's that worked out for anyone else? When he told Ginsberg, " I don't think about you at all," That was some old school Don. That sounded like something he would say to Pete.
Pete's having fantasies. When I have fantasies double-sided tape isn't involved. Then again I don't have basic cable fantasies.
Betty has everything she wants and no one has anything better. Really!? Whatever gets you through the saddest Thanksgiving dinner ever. That make Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving dinner look like a Roman orgy.
Peggy is buried in Heinz. Did anyone else think about Ann-Margret?
At least Sally's family tree has forks. Maybe too many forks. Mine has sporks. Spork--The other plastic utensil. See, I'm at least as good as Ginsberg.
Sally was more than a bit mean. Then again Betty did set her up. Hopefully she understood that part when Don and Megan were arguing. I've always wondered who is the bigger child, Sally or Betty? Betty had a massive backfire. It really pissed her off to learn that Megan knew all about Anna.
Betty catches a glimpse of Megan and hits the Reddi-Wip. She wasn't doing it right.
Don's trying to be creative again. At least it worked out for him. I felt a bit bad for Ginsberg but Don was right about having two ideas. It is good to have a backup though. I guess that Roger isn't the only one trying to prove that he's still got it.
"I can't eat fish five times a week." Not. Going. There. I thought what Betty said about being there for each other was kind of sweet. Not as sweet as Don and Megan's note to each other, but sweet none the less. In fact it was so nice that Betty got to have a piece of meat. She was a very good girl and got a reward. "If you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?"
Sally needs colored pencils and Bobby needs a Trapper Keeper but they won't be around for about another twelve years. Mine was green and had a snap.
Betty shops at A&P--home of the world's smallest turkey.
Someone should've warned Ginsberg not to go after Don. How's that worked out for anyone else? When he told Ginsberg, " I don't think about you at all," That was some old school Don. That sounded like something he would say to Pete.
Pete's having fantasies. When I have fantasies double-sided tape isn't involved. Then again I don't have basic cable fantasies.
Betty has everything she wants and no one has anything better. Really!? Whatever gets you through the saddest Thanksgiving dinner ever. That make Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving dinner look like a Roman orgy.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Mad Men "Lazarus Lady"
Or "It's a dessert topping. It's a floor wax."
Pete and Harold--strangers on a train. Except that they're really not strangers. But they are on a train. For a minute there I thought that it was going to get all Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice but Trudy would never go for that. Why is my go to always wife swapping and key parties? I grew up in the 1970s. It's not an excuse, just an explanation.
Pete got skis. Why do I derive so much pleasure from watching Pete carry objects? Maybe it's the prideful look he always has when he gets something new. "There, I got to see that."
Was Harry's line about making a new Beatles a shot at the Monkees? Shame on him.
I wonder if Danny's Hideaway is anything like Johnny's Hideaway. Or should I say "Johnny's Takeaway"? I don't know if it's still around or not. It was a cougar bar before anyone invented the term "cougar."
For a d-bag Pete gets a lot of women. Maybe guys should stop trying to be like Don and be more like Pete.
Megan wants to be an actress. At least she doesn't want to be a lumberjack. She is Canadian after all.
Peggy is right about Megan being good at copy writing. We don't know if she is any good at acting. I'm sure we'll find out. She'll probably suck. Then Don will try to talk her into coming back to SCDP and she'll be upset and cry and I don't want that.
Stan--I can never remember his name.
Megan got the elevator. Don got the shaft. You gotta love visual symbolism. Maybe Megan is going somewhere after all.
Peggy was also right about a lot of people wanting Megan's job. I wouldn't mind having it, I just don't want to work with any of those people on The Pitch. They're annoying as hell and I've only see the commercials. They're too hyped up and not in a good way like Ginsberg. Did he get into the Mountain Dew and vodka or what? I like him more each week.
Now I guess we know why Don and Peggy never hooked up. It was kind of funny watching them argue.
Don listening to the Beatles was so wrong. It's like your mom on Facebook. There is a real generational divide between him and Megan. He's not even an Elvis man. He seems like one of those rare people who aren't into music at all.
What would he have heard growing up? He's a year younger than my mom, which is scary. She listened to Hank Williams, the Carter Family and a lot of Bluegrass. In fact I inherited my love of Johnny Cash from her. I guess my mom is pretty cool after all.
Pete and Harold--strangers on a train. Except that they're really not strangers. But they are on a train. For a minute there I thought that it was going to get all Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice but Trudy would never go for that. Why is my go to always wife swapping and key parties? I grew up in the 1970s. It's not an excuse, just an explanation.
Pete got skis. Why do I derive so much pleasure from watching Pete carry objects? Maybe it's the prideful look he always has when he gets something new. "There, I got to see that."
Was Harry's line about making a new Beatles a shot at the Monkees? Shame on him.
I wonder if Danny's Hideaway is anything like Johnny's Hideaway. Or should I say "Johnny's Takeaway"? I don't know if it's still around or not. It was a cougar bar before anyone invented the term "cougar."
For a d-bag Pete gets a lot of women. Maybe guys should stop trying to be like Don and be more like Pete.
Megan wants to be an actress. At least she doesn't want to be a lumberjack. She is Canadian after all.
Peggy is right about Megan being good at copy writing. We don't know if she is any good at acting. I'm sure we'll find out. She'll probably suck. Then Don will try to talk her into coming back to SCDP and she'll be upset and cry and I don't want that.
Stan--I can never remember his name.
Megan got the elevator. Don got the shaft. You gotta love visual symbolism. Maybe Megan is going somewhere after all.
Peggy was also right about a lot of people wanting Megan's job. I wouldn't mind having it, I just don't want to work with any of those people on The Pitch. They're annoying as hell and I've only see the commercials. They're too hyped up and not in a good way like Ginsberg. Did he get into the Mountain Dew and vodka or what? I like him more each week.
Now I guess we know why Don and Peggy never hooked up. It was kind of funny watching them argue.
Don listening to the Beatles was so wrong. It's like your mom on Facebook. There is a real generational divide between him and Megan. He's not even an Elvis man. He seems like one of those rare people who aren't into music at all.
What would he have heard growing up? He's a year younger than my mom, which is scary. She listened to Hank Williams, the Carter Family and a lot of Bluegrass. In fact I inherited my love of Johnny Cash from her. I guess my mom is pretty cool after all.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Funny Women
I think part of the controversy surrounding the HBO series Girls is because some idiots out there still think that women cannot be funny. Nothing can be farther from the truth.
Some men are okay with the idea of a female President. A lot of men don't mind having a female boss. There are those that didn't mind when women started getting tattoos and smoking cigars. However, they'll be damned if a woman is going to be funnier than them. That and become a member of Augusta National, but that's another story.
Part of it comes down to male insecurity. Comedy is one of the few things they try to keep for themselves.
I'm the first to admit that I have insecurities but I'm not going to get into them. Comedy isn't one of them though. I don't see myself as funny--just honest. Having said that I can hold my own against most non-professionals.
I don't have to be the funniest guy in the room. I don't see comedy as a competition. All my life I have heard that women are looking for a man with a sense of humor. Okay, I actually read that in Playboy but that's another story for another day. I don't think it's always true. Sometimes I am serious around women but that doesn't work for me either.
I also don't have to be the funny one in a relationship. By relationship I mean friendship. With my friends I can play the Bud Abbott part--I set the joke up for my friends. I would say that I can be the straight man but we all know better don't we? I'm like the David Beckham of comedy. Did I mention that I am an excellent wing man? I'm available for parties and corporate events.
In my relationships with women, also just friends, I can do that as well but I guess that you would call that the George Burns part. Is that a bit sexist? I can never be sure.
Do men and women have different senses of humor? Maybe, but there probably some overlap. Someone needs to do a Venn diagram. Go ahead, I'll wait. I've heard that women don't like the Three Stooges but my mother loves them. That explains a lot.
I think there is a difference in the way men and women deliver comedy. If a man thinks he is funny he tends to be a joke machine, or should I say joke machine-gun? Especially around women.
A lot of women I know are more like snipers--they pick and choose their moments. You never see it coming and it makes a far bigger impact.
I do like a sense of humor. I think it can be a sign of intelligence. Did I mention that I also like smart women?
Some people say that if you can dance it means that you are good in bed. I don't know if that's true or not. Maybe it's a load of B.S. like the correlation between cherry stems and kissing. If you are a gymnast, male of female, it can make things more interesting.
I think that if you are smart and/or funny you are probably good in bed. However, if you got to bed with me you will be laughing for a completely different reason.
Some men are okay with the idea of a female President. A lot of men don't mind having a female boss. There are those that didn't mind when women started getting tattoos and smoking cigars. However, they'll be damned if a woman is going to be funnier than them. That and become a member of Augusta National, but that's another story.
Part of it comes down to male insecurity. Comedy is one of the few things they try to keep for themselves.
I'm the first to admit that I have insecurities but I'm not going to get into them. Comedy isn't one of them though. I don't see myself as funny--just honest. Having said that I can hold my own against most non-professionals.
I don't have to be the funniest guy in the room. I don't see comedy as a competition. All my life I have heard that women are looking for a man with a sense of humor. Okay, I actually read that in Playboy but that's another story for another day. I don't think it's always true. Sometimes I am serious around women but that doesn't work for me either.
I also don't have to be the funny one in a relationship. By relationship I mean friendship. With my friends I can play the Bud Abbott part--I set the joke up for my friends. I would say that I can be the straight man but we all know better don't we? I'm like the David Beckham of comedy. Did I mention that I am an excellent wing man? I'm available for parties and corporate events.
In my relationships with women, also just friends, I can do that as well but I guess that you would call that the George Burns part. Is that a bit sexist? I can never be sure.
Do men and women have different senses of humor? Maybe, but there probably some overlap. Someone needs to do a Venn diagram. Go ahead, I'll wait. I've heard that women don't like the Three Stooges but my mother loves them. That explains a lot.
I think there is a difference in the way men and women deliver comedy. If a man thinks he is funny he tends to be a joke machine, or should I say joke machine-gun? Especially around women.
A lot of women I know are more like snipers--they pick and choose their moments. You never see it coming and it makes a far bigger impact.
I do like a sense of humor. I think it can be a sign of intelligence. Did I mention that I also like smart women?
Some people say that if you can dance it means that you are good in bed. I don't know if that's true or not. Maybe it's a load of B.S. like the correlation between cherry stems and kissing. If you are a gymnast, male of female, it can make things more interesting.
I think that if you are smart and/or funny you are probably good in bed. However, if you got to bed with me you will be laughing for a completely different reason.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
England National Team
Congratulations to Roy Hodgson on becoming the new England manager. You'll have to win every match and every tournament. Shouldn't be too hard. After all, England expects.
Everyone has been going on all day about how the FA should've hired Harry Redknapp. I agree. Then again I am an Arsenal supporter and I would like to see them be able to beat Spurs at least twice a season again.
I said the same thing a few years ago when then Bolton manager Sam Allardyce was the one the fans wanted. Then again what do I know, I'm a stupid American?
Noted football expert Dominic Monaghan told TMZ that America was about twenty years behind England as a footballing nation. Maybe, but at least we have our goalkeeping situation worked out. As I said to the England fans at Fado Irish Pub assembled to watch the World Cup 2010 match between USA and England, "Tim Howard may have Tourette's, but what's Robert Green's excuse?" This was in response to the constant chants of, "He's only got Tourette's!" In South Africa the English were singing, "You're not swimming anymore!" This lovely little ditty was in reference to the BP oil spill. Stay classy England.
Don't get me wrong, I actually do like England and the football team. I often support them when they aren't playing against the USA. Or Scotland. I like to joke as much as the next yobbo. Every country, and club for that matter has there share of crazy fans. That's fine. I know I am just as bad if not worse when Arsenal is winning and the way things are going England will win a trophy long before Arsenal.
Everyone has been going on all day about how the FA should've hired Harry Redknapp. I agree. Then again I am an Arsenal supporter and I would like to see them be able to beat Spurs at least twice a season again.
I said the same thing a few years ago when then Bolton manager Sam Allardyce was the one the fans wanted. Then again what do I know, I'm a stupid American?
Noted football expert Dominic Monaghan told TMZ that America was about twenty years behind England as a footballing nation. Maybe, but at least we have our goalkeeping situation worked out. As I said to the England fans at Fado Irish Pub assembled to watch the World Cup 2010 match between USA and England, "Tim Howard may have Tourette's, but what's Robert Green's excuse?" This was in response to the constant chants of, "He's only got Tourette's!" In South Africa the English were singing, "You're not swimming anymore!" This lovely little ditty was in reference to the BP oil spill. Stay classy England.
Don't get me wrong, I actually do like England and the football team. I often support them when they aren't playing against the USA. Or Scotland. I like to joke as much as the next yobbo. Every country, and club for that matter has there share of crazy fans. That's fine. I know I am just as bad if not worse when Arsenal is winning and the way things are going England will win a trophy long before Arsenal.
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