Friday, April 20, 2012

Random Micro-Fiction: Daydrinking

I'm drinking too much again. Actually, I should say too often. I don't do it to get drunk, I just like a little buzz. Everyone has to have a hobby , right?

I don't like drinking at home alone because nothing good ever comes of it. When I go out it's usually to places I don't go to very often. It's not that I don't want anyone to know, I just want to be left alone.

The theme of Cheers was "Where everybody knows your name," but I like to be anonymous sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I like being a regular. Sometimes. After all, membership has it's privileges.

One problem with going to an uncrowded bar in the afternoon is that you  often find yourself talking to the bartender or some waitress working her way through college. I don't want to be rude, I want to be alone.

Sometimes I go to a crowded bar and lose myself in the crowd. Sure it's loud but I think of it as one of those white noise machines people use to go to sleep.

There are only so many places to drink within walking distance of my building so I end up being a semi-regular by default. I have to figure out the staff schedule so I don't run into the same people too often. I may not want any of them to know who I am but I don't want them to think that I am a sad bastard even though I am getting there one draft beer at a time.

Then there's Starbucks. I know it's only coffee but I can go there and be anonymous and alone and in a crowd all at once. As soon as you get your beverage they just leave you alone and that's kind of the point really.

The used to be one about two blocks away but it closed. Who ever heard of an unsuccessful Starbucks? Fortunately there's another one three blocks down the road. The exercise does me good. It's in a Barnes and Noble which is also good.

Sometimes I'll go there and after getting my coffee I'll go into the men's room pour some Jim Beam from a flask into it. I usually do this with decaf because no one likes a hyperactive drunk. Then I'll buy a magazine or newspaper and sit outside. Drinking outside is fun. It makes me feel like I'm in Europe or somewhere. Anywhere but here.

The best is at Christmastime when they have the eggnog lattes. Very tasty. I shouldn't say that or encourage this kind of thing. In fact I don't recommend it at all. I'm just stating facts.

I really don't like drinking liquor but you can't mix coffee and beer can you? I think someone made a coffee flavored beer once but that went over like Crystal Pepsi but without all the fanfare. Or humiliation. Crystal Meth Pepsi on the other hand . . .

The real trick is getting back home. Did I mention that I have to cross Peachtree Road to get here? No? Great, now I'm forgetting stuff.

Anyway, after the journey back I lie down on the couch and turn the TV on. Usually Telemundo or Univision because I don't speak Spanish and and that way I won't be distracted by anything anyone says and I can just ignore it. Then when I open my eyes, if I'm lucky, in more ways than one, there will be some pretty woman on TV reading out the soccer scores. And that's what life's all about anyway.

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